Saturday, 17 March 2018

Funny Job Application Answers (Part 3)

Meteorology ... the perfect training for a job as a stock broker.
I've featured funny job application answers previously on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and here's another batch of silly job application responses, interview answers and CV entries from job applicants...

1) Why do you want the job?
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here.

2) Tell of a time you made a mistake and how you dealt with it:
I stole some equipment from my old job, and I had to pay for its replacement.

3) I refer to the recent death of the technical manager. Each time I apply for the job I get a reply saying there's no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red-handed and I even attended his funeral to be sure he was truly dead and buried. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his death certificate.

Saturday, 10 March 2018

Random thoughts on aliens

My latest alien themed short story 'We Come In Peace' is released this weekend for kindle, so to celebrate this week's blog post is a selection of random alien themed thoughts...

The first man on the moon was an alien backwards.
1) Maybe there's an advanced alien civilisation millions of light years away watching the Earth with their telescopes, and they really want to visit us, but they're scared of all the dinosaurs.

2) Neil A was the first human on the moon. Neil A backwards is Alien.

3) If aliens looked at earth, they would see the majority of humans losing consciousness as the earth rotates away from the sun. They would probably assume we are powered by photosynthesis.

Saturday, 3 March 2018

Puzzles and riddles.

I recently published the short story 'The Puppet Master' about a crazy criminal who sets his victims riddles. I featured one such riddle in an earlier blog post, but if you're not all puzzled out just yet, then here are a few more puzzles for you...

1) How many holes are in this t-shirt?

Saturday, 24 February 2018

Unusual methods of counting.

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at various unusual methods of counting from around the world...

1) The remote South American tribes method of counting

Doctor: "Take some tablets some times a day."
Patient: "For how long?"
Doctor: "For some weeks."
Numbers are important when it comes to medicine.
I mention in the third 'How To Save The World' book (By Whatever Means Necessary) that some remote South American tribes only have number words for one and two! If you go any higher than that then you just say 'some'.

So for example, if you had five beans and wanted to count them you would say, "One, two, some, some, some."

The good thing about this very laidback method of counting is that whether you're a billionaire, or you only have five pounds, you both have the same amount of money ... some!

Saturday, 17 February 2018

Funny Signs

From time to time I feature funny signs on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, so here's another selection, starting with a sign which carries an important message...

1) "It's never too late to learn to read."

I can't help wondering, who is this sign intended for?

Saturday, 10 February 2018

Stupid scientists discover water is wet.

Some scientists are brilliant. Some scientists come up with inventions which make our everyday lives happier, healthier and more productive. Some scientists carry out research which leads to the discovery of important and previously unknown facts.

Fans can help you keep cool.
And some scientists are idiots. Some scientists waste time and money researching ridiculously obvious already known facts. Here are a few of those idiots...

1) Fans make you cooler.

According to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), electric fans can help you feel cooler.

Wow! Who would have guessed it!? Oh, so that's what I've been doing wrong! Foolishly, in hot weather I've been turning the radiators on to help me cool down, but it turns out that I should have been using fans instead. Oops, silly me! Lucky those scientists at JAMA were able to point out my error for me. In future I'll know to use fans instead of radiators whenever I want to cool down.

Saturday, 3 February 2018

Trivial 999 Emergency Calls (Part 3)

An injured banana in need of medical attention.
I've mentioned before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog that some people seem to treat the 999* emergency telephone number as a 'General Enquiries' helpdesk for the most trivial of issues.  Here are some more ridiculously trivial phone calls which the callers deemed worthy of treating as an 'emergency'.

* Or 911 for the benefit of any US readers.

1) "Is your emergency fire, ambulance, or fruit related?"

One bizarre person from Nottinghamshire rang 999 to report that they had overcooked a banana!

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.