When I was younger, I was fascinated by Ascending and Descending by M.S. Escher which shows a paradoxical image of a perpetually rising staircase. Admittedly, you probably don't care about my childhood fascinations, after all, I'm just a random stranger on the internet! However, it does give me a way to lead into this week's blog post, as this week I feature another round up of light-hearted paradoxes.

Why did Pinocchio's nose never grow 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!

1) The Pinocchio Paradox

If Pinnochio said his nose was about to grow, would it?

2) The Dog's Dinner Paradox

If you make a complete dog's dinner of your new pet food recipe, has it been a success or not!?

National Pet Day falls on 11th April, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog pays tribute to our furry friends with another blog post on cats and dogs.

Cats and dogs make a welcome return to the Charles Fudgemuffin blog.

1) When you go to work each morning, your dog probably thinks you're going for a walk on your own for eight hours.



2) On a related note, the reason why dogs love destroying shoes is probably because they see humans putting them on before they leave the house.

My latest book 'Planet Of The Teddy Bears' was released this week, so to promote it, this week's blog post features a selection of teddy bear memes, teddy bear jokes, and random teddy bear facts.

Planet Of The Teddy Bears by Charles Fudgemuffin

1) The world's largest teddy bear

Have you ever wondered how big the world's largest teddy bear is? Then wonder no more!

The world's largest teddy bear is a massive 55 foot tall, and is located at the Exploration Place in Wichita, Kansas.

To help you put that into perspective, a bowling lane is approximately 60 foot long, so it's almost as tall as a bowling lane is long!

So if you were planning on buying it, then I hope you've got a very big house! Also, I hope you're prepared to be disappointed, because the Exploration Place probably won't sell it.

Discaimer: Apologies to anyone who hasn't ever wondered
how big the world's largest teddy bear is. I'll try
to more accurately predict your teddy bear themed
wonderings when coming up with future facts.

Legal disclaimer: The advice contained in this article is clearly labelled as bad advice. That means it would be foolish to follow it. Charles Fudgemuffin accepts no liability in the event that any fools happen to be reading this, and decide to ignore my warning and follow the bad advice anyway. Those who do follow the bad advice do so at their own risk.

"Oo! Is that for me!?" "No, you said you didn't want anything."

Okay, now that I've got the warning out of the way, let's move on to the bad advice...

1) Bad advice for boyfriends (part 1)

If your girlfriend says, 'Don't get me any presents for my birthday,' don't get her any. It will show her that you're a good listener.

2) Bad advice for writers

Be sure to keep your ink pens clean by throwing them in with the laundry.

It's time for another trip to the store, as this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another round-up of noteworthy photos from the supermarket.

1) Happy donuts

To start things off on a positive note, look at the joy on the faces of these 'happy' donuts!

Credit: Imgur

The donut on the right looks particularly ecstatic.

1st donut: "Hey's what's eating you?"
2nd donut: "Nobody ... yet."

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at a few examples where things were taken just a little bit too literally.

1) The top states to live in

If you're American and you've ever wondered what the top states to live in are, then the following image provides the answer.


Bonus Alaska joke:

An Alaskan was on trial, and the prosecutor asked him, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"

By the 1950s, tobacco companies (and governments) knew that smoking was bad for people's health, but it wasn't until years later that they finally admitted it. For years they enlisted scientists and the media to smear those who warned the public about the dangers of smoking. Sadly, their lies worked, because it wasn't until 1982* that cigarette sales finally started to drop in the United States.

* Source: https://tobaccocontrol.bmj.com/content/21/2/87

Since the truth finally leaked out about smoking, thousands of people every year try to give up smoking, and in fact there's even a day especially for that purpose, creatively named ... No Smoking Day! This year No Smoking Day falls on 13th March, so to 'celebrate', this week's blog post features a no smoking theme.

1) The simplest way to give up is to follow the example of this statue, and just say no.

Just say no.

"No thanks, mate. They stunt your growth."

Credit: Reddit