Sunday, 29 December 2013

Ten Less Common New Year's Resolutions

Some wise, some unique and some just weird...


In a few days' time many people will be starting the new year by making New Year's Resolutions with popular choices being to give up smoking, lose weight or to travel more and see new places.  However, if you're thinking of making a less common resolution this year and looking for ideas, then here are a few non-conventional and less obvious New Year's resolutions I found dotted around the internet...

"I will never turn up drunk at court again.  Hic!"

1) I will assure my lawyer that I will never turn up drunk at court ever again.


Hmm, yes.  That's probably a wise resolution to make.


2) I will take time to appreciate what I have achieved.


This is a resolution I think I might make as well.  Obviously I've never climbed Everest or swam the channel or stuff like that, so I'm keeping things in perpective, but sometimes I set myself goals and then move straight on to the next thing without taking a few moments to allow myself a smile at having finished the thing I set out to do.  So this year I'm going to allow myself a few more self-indulgent smiley moments.


3) I will lose weight by buying a more accurate set of scales.


Yes, blame the scales.

Sunday, 22 December 2013

A Worldwide Christmas Message From Charles Fudgemuffin

A seasonal video message from Charles Fudgemuffin to blog readers all around the world.


Charles Fudgemuffin wearing his Christmas hat.
One of the cool things about having a blog is that you get to see all manner of statistics regarding your blog views.  This allows you to quickly analyse your most popular posts, but it also provides other interesting insights such as where in the world your page views are coming from.

In line with my books sales, most of my blog hits tend to come from the United States and the United Kingdom, but there have been people viewing my blog from all around the world and even a few views from far flung places like Mongolia.

So for this year's Christmas message I thought I would make an extra effort and include an additional Christmas message especially for any Mongolian blog readers...

Sunday, 15 December 2013

Christmas 'Higher Or Lower' Quiz

A Christmas themed quiz featuring festively inspired subjects such as kebabs, fireworks and council parking fees...


It's only a few days until Christmas, so to help get in the festive mood I've prepared a short Christmas themed quiz made up of 'higher or lower' conundrums.  For each 'higher or lower' question I've listed two or more choices, so see if you can guess which option is the biggest, best, highest or heaviest...

1) Weight gain due to excess eating and drinking over Christmas.


A kebab, pictured yesterday.
First up is a higher or lower conundrum I would guess that most people can identify with.  A lot of people (not myself obviously but some people), may find that over-indulgence over the Christmas period leaves them carrying a few extra pounds once the New Year arrives.

But what weighs the most; the average weight gain each person puts on over the Christmas period, or two kebabs?

1) What weighs the most?

a) Average weight each person puts on over the Christmas period.
b) Weight of two kebabs.


Sunday, 8 December 2013

Book Reviews (Part 4)

A few book reviews...

It's been a while since I last featured any book reviews on the blog, so here are a few more opinions on books and short stories I've recently been reading...


The 2½ Pillars Of Wisdom by Alexander McCall Smith - 4.7 / 5.0

The 2½ Pillars Of Wisdom collects three novellas which describe the adventures of three very tall professors at Regensburg University, primarily focusing on the pompously amusing Professor Dr Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld.  Each novella is itself a collection of short stories and although I enjoyed all three novellas, it was the second volume, The Finer Points Of Sausage Dogs, which was definitely my favourite.  I read this section of the book on the beach while on holiday and at times I was laughing away to myself so much that anyone else nearby on the beach must have thought I was a bit strange.  I'm a big fan of the 'No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency' books so overall I was delighted to discover that once again Alexander McCall Smith has created some excellent characters who are involved in some charming and memorable stories.


Sunday, 1 December 2013

The Karma Police Are On The Lookout...

...for the sly person who left the following note.


iPhone 4 Version (640x960)
A few months ago a Swedish friend on facebook posted a photo of a note left under someone's windscreen wiper on their car.  The note read:

"Hej,

Jag stötte bilen och någon såg mig, så nu är jag låtsas att skriva mina kontaktuppgifter på denna not.

Tack,

Hej då."


For the benefit of anyone who doesn't speak Swedish, the note reads:

"Hi,

I bumped your car and someone saw me, so now I'm pretending to write my contact details on this note.

Thanks,

Bye."


Ha, ha, ha.
  Very amusing.  Actually, I hope it was a joke because if it was real it wouldn't be quite so amusing for the person whose car it was, obviously.

Anyway, I thought it deserved to be translated into English so for the benefit of any non-Swedish speakers I've created an English recreation of the original Swedish note as an iPhone wallpaper.  The wallpaper at the top right of this blog post is the iPhone 4 version in 640x960 resolution, and for the benefit of any cutting edge people who have upgraded to the iPhone 5, here's one in 640x1136 resolution:

Sunday, 24 November 2013

Acts Of Random Kindness

My own random act of kindness...


Haad Rin Sunrise Beach, scene of my own random act of kindness.
Last week I posted three YouTube videos which made me smile and one of those videos was the music video 'Acts Of Random Kindness' which as the name suggests features people doing random acts of kindness for other people.

I mentioned at the time that the video made me want to go out and do some random acts of kindness myself, but I also acknowledged that in reality I'd probably forget about the video within a couple of minutes and just go back to being my usual self-orientated self straight away.

However, after compiling last week's YouTube post, I did actually remember an act of random kindness that I did once myself which was a bit similar to the acts of kindness in the 'Acts Of Random Kindness' video, so I thought I would mention it just to remind myself how nice it is to think of others sometimes...

Sunday, 17 November 2013

Three YouTube Videos That Made Me Smile

It's always good to smile.


Smile!
(Sketch by Jenny Ellis)
I recently published the final book in the 'How To Save The World' series, and at the end of the book, I make the point that we often associate being a nice person with people like Mother Theresa who dedicate their life to feeding starving people and stuff like that.

Examples like Mother Theresa are obviously excellent, but for the rest of us who can't make such a massive sacrifice, you don't have to go to such extreme measures as dedicating your entire life towards helping the poor.  You can still be a nice person just by doing simple stuff like telling other people about cool stuff which makes you happy.

It's always good to smile so I make the point that even if it's just a cool video on YouTube which makes you smile, then it's still a worthwhile deed to tell other people about it.

So to ensure I'm not a hypocrite, here are a few cool YouTube videos which I like...

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Charity Russian Roulette

Here's an idea for anyone going out on a pub crawl on Children In Need night...


Oops!  Looks like someone's had an accident
... or have they?
It's Children In Need this coming Friday, so this is an idea for anyone who wants to raise money for Children In Need and have fun at the same time.  It doesn't specifically apply to Children In Need though, so you could play Charity Russian Roulette at any time of the year to raise money for any charity.

Charity Russian Roulette is basically just a game of dare where everyone has to do dares or challenges, and each time you wimp out and bottle a dare, you contribute £1 into the Children In Need fund for the night.  Each person has to take turns at pulling a random number out of an envelope with each number corresponding to a dare which the person then has to perform.

The only preparation the game requires is that before the evening starts one person has to write out the dares (or corresponding numbers) on little pieces of paper and then crumple them up in a bag or envelope.  You can use any dares you want, but here are a few ideas to start you off...

Sunday, 3 November 2013

How To Save The World: Part 3C - In The End, No-One Can Escape Justice

The concluding part of the 'How To Save The World' saga...


Charles Fudgemuffin in association with Montgomery-Smythe Publishing Associates is proud to announce the release of the latest book in the 'How To Save The World' series.

Here are a few words from Charles to introduce the book...

How To Save The World: Part 3C
'In The End, No-One Can Escape Justice'

How To Save The World: Part 3C - In The End, No-One Can Escape Justice


'In The End, No-One Can Escape Justice' is the sixth and final book in the ‘How To Save The World’ saga.  I would therefore recommend that new readers start with book one (How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy) which, with the exception of Star Wars*, is the traditional way to read a story.

* For the benefit of anyone who hasn't yet seen Star Wars, I would recommend starting with part four.

However, I still get my royalties whatever order people buy the books in, so if you want to read the story back to front then that's fine by me.

Sunday, 27 October 2013

10 More Nerd Jokes

Ducks, functions and radioactive cats...


As I mentioned in a previous post, I've got a bit of a soft spot for nerd jokes, so as it's been a while since I last featured any nerd jokes on my blog I think therefore that means it's time for another round up.

"Quark!"
Once again, apologies to any non-nerds for this overdose of nerdosity, but for anyone who enjoys nerd jokes, let's start things off with a really cheesy joke...

1) What does a subatomic duck say?  Quark.

2) A logician tells his mate his wife has just had a baby.
"Is it a boy or a girl?" his mate asks.
"Yes," the logician replies.

3) What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Sunday, 20 October 2013

How To Save The World: Part 3B - Revenge And Justice

The 'How To Save The World' series continues...


Charles Fudgemuffin in association with Montgomery-Smythe Publishing Associates is proud to announce the release of the fifth book in the 'How To Save The World' series.

Here's the blurb:

How To Save The World: Part 3B - Revenge And Justice

How To Save The World: Part 3B - Revenge And Justice


In Revenge And Justice, author Charles Fudgemuffin analyses the two similar but distinct concepts of revenge and justice.  Charles examines whether the short term emotional indulgence experienced when chasing revenge is ultimately less rewarding than the long term satisfaction and inner peace achieved by pursuing justice, and through his characters Charles describes the relative merits and appeal of these two concepts which pull on the heart of everyone at one time or another.

Charles has also included a few jokes about baps.


. . . . . . . .

'How To Save The World: Part 3B - Revenge And Justice' is available for Kindle from Amazon:

UK:  How To Save The World: Part 3B - Revenge And Justice
US:  How To Save The World: Part 3B - Revenge And Justice

Sunday, 13 October 2013

True Or False: Six 'Space And The Universe' Facts For National Astronomy Day

Origami, extreme diets and the planet 'Marjory'...


As today is National Astronomy Day, I thought it would be appropriate to base my latest True Or False quiz on the theme of 'space and the universe'.  See if you can spot which of the following 'facts' are actually true and which ones are nothing more than a devious bluff...

The planets Neptune and Saturn, with the planet 'Marjory'
sandwiched in the middle.  Note: Not to scale.

Fact 1) The Planet 'Marjory'


The planet Uranus was discovered in 1628 by astronomer Richard Keplington and as a romantic gesture he originally wanted to name the planet 'Marjory' after his beloved wife.  However, his wife was quite a humble lady and didn't want any fuss or attention, and so Keplington reluctantly agreed to respect her wishes and the name Uranus was eventually decided upon.

True of false? 

Sunday, 29 September 2013

Weird Forums On The Web (Part 1)

Caution: The following post contains graphic scenes of extreme excitement and should therefore not be read by anyone with a weak heart.


It's always wise to consult the opinions of
others before making any major purchase.
If you want to discuss something, no matter how obscure or seemingly mundane, it's a safe bet that someone somewhere will have created an internet forum for your chosen subject.

While I was researching the final draft of the next 'How To Save The World' book*, I discovered quite a few forums which probably weren't meant to be amusing, but which brought a chuckle to my easily amused face.  I've therefore decided to highlight a few of these unintentionally entertaining forums on my blog, starting first of all with an online discussion which was particularly dramatic and exciting.

* How To Save The World: Part 3B - Revenge And Justice



To set the scene, this was the question which one forum user had asked...

Sunday, 22 September 2013

Judging A Book By Its Cover (Part 2)

See no, hear no, speak no.


The original concept sketch and the finished cover for
'Be Careful What You Wish For'
A few months ago I updated the covers of the books in the 'How To Save The World' series and I explained the thought processes behind the cover to book one, 'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy' in a previous post called 'Never Judge A Book By Its Cover?'.

Today I move onto the follow-up, 'How To Save The World: Part 2A - Be Careful What You Wish For' which also received an updated cover a few months ago.

An integral background theme running through the follow up book is the suspicion of a cover-up, so this time I decided to combine the concept of 'see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil' with the image of the world, so that the world loosely appears to have a human face. 
Hopefully the finished cover offers just enough clues to get people asking questions and wondering what the book is about, which is what you ideally want from a book cover.

Sunday, 15 September 2013

Ten Facts About UFOs And Aliens

Is there anybody out there?


Are we alone in the universe?
My 'How To Save The World' comedy books involve the main character, Eric, encountering aliens, so I should probably feature more posts on my blog related to ufology, but to make up for lost time here's a list of ten facts about UFOs and aliens.

1) Studies have shown that the majority of UFO sightings are regular objects found on Earth or explainable phenomena, such as aircraft, noctilucent clouds, balloons, meteors, or in some cases deliberate hoaxes.

2) However, between 5 to 20% of UFO sightings remain unexplained.

3) One in seven Americans claim that either themselves or someone they know has had an encounter with a UFO.

Sunday, 8 September 2013

Author Blog Link Exchange

Authors Supporting Each Other


Duke and Michel: The Mysterious Corridor by Elias Zapple
Elias Zapple, an author friend of mine and writer of 'the hilarious and often rejected Duke & Michel series of books', recently added an 'Other Authors' page to his website and very kindly mentioned me on the page with a link to my Charles Fudgemuffin blog and also my books on Amazon.

I'm all in favour of authors supporting each other so I've decided to copy Elias Zapple's idea and add a similar page to my own blog.

At the moment there are only a few of authors listed but if any other authors have a similar page on their own website and would like to exchange links, then post a link to my Charles Fudgemuffin blog on your own website/blog, then leave a reply to this post with your website/blog address and I'll add you to my 'Other Authors' page.  Alternatively, you can send me your details via my facebook or twitter accounts.

My own books are sci-fi comedy novels so it would particularly make sense to exchange links with other sci-fi or comedy authors.  Any authors are welcome to exchange links though, with the only proviso being that my blog is marked as 'No Mature Content' so I don't really want to link to any sites which are too adult.

Sunday, 1 September 2013

Weird Facebook Likes (Part 2)

With friends like these, who needs enemies?


A couple of months ago I featured a post on how I find it strange that sometimes people will update their facebook status with blatant bad news, and yet bizarrely some of their alleged friends will then 'like' it.  There have been more facebook statuses along those lines since my original round-up and so I thought it was time for another collection of weird and inappropriate facebook likes.

I'll start things off straight away with a photo which illustrates what I'm getting at...

1) A few weeks ago the unpredictable English weather was at its worst once again and so during a recent camping trip, some friends unfortunately got caught in some pretty severe floods.  To show people just how bad the flooding was, they uploaded the following photo of their campsite to facebook:

Your holiday has been ruined by torrential floods.
3 friends like this.

And unbelievably it got three likes!

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Funny Football Quotes (Part 3)

Another batch of daft football quotes to celebrate the new season...


Two footballs, pictured yesterday.
From time to time I feature amusing football quotes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and as a new season of the Premier League kicks off today, I thought it would be an appropriate time to round up a third batch of quotes.

However, to make things a bit more interesting I've also included one made-up quote.  All except one of the following quotes are real, so see if you can guess which is the made-up quote…

1) "They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that."
...Kevin Keegan

2) "I don't want Rooney to leave these shores but if he does, I think he'll go abroad."
...Ian Wright

3) “I would have given my right arm to be a pianist.” 
...Sir Bobby Robson

Sunday, 11 August 2013

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About...

Which of the following book titles would be least likely to be a commercial success if it was published as a kids' book?


Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About...
At the moment I'm currently proof-reading the fifth book in the 'How To Save The World' series, namely 'How To Save The World: Part 3B - Revenge And Justice' ready for it to be published on Amazon within the next couple of months.

At one stage in the story, Eric, the main character, recalls a kids' book which he once wanted to buy for his nephew as a joke present.  In Eric's opinion the title of the book in question was a totally ridiculous idea for a kids' book and he jokily mocks how daft an idea it was to publish a kids' book about a subject which kids will clearly have no interest in.

This was based on a real book which I saw in a book shop one day, and Eric's mockery was fine when it was just in draft form and I was the only reader.  However, now that I'm at the stage where 'Revenge And Justice' is actually about to be published and other people will be able to read it, I feel a bit sly about mocking a real book.  I'd therefore feel more comfortable changing the name slightly and using a made-up name for the book.

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Daft Office Pranks (Part 3)

Yet another example of office related japery.


This daft trick requires fast typing skills.
Readers of my blog may recall that the original title of my book ‘How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy’ was ‘A Lush Snaky Trick’ and so on that theme from time to time I like to write about various lush snaky tricks* that I used to play on people when I worked in an office.

* Or ‘good natured comedy pranks’ to use a more universally understood term.
 
This next daft office prank is another trick which I used to play back when I used to work for the council on the pensions team.  Anyone who’s worked in an office will have probably come across at some stage the use of shared spreadsheets which everyone in the office has the ability to update.  A consequence of this is the possibility that on occasion you will try to get into a shared spreadsheet but unfortunately someone else will already be using it which means it’s locked for editing.  In those cases Excel will give you a message along the lines of:

Sunday, 28 July 2013

Scary Kids' Stories

Warning: This article contains spoilers for the movie Cloud Atlas.


Cloud Atlas
I recently watched the movie Cloud Atlas and although it was an enjoyable movie which I would recommend seeing, one of the questions I had about the movie was the closing scene.  As anyone who’s seen Cloud Atlas will know, the movie tells six different stories and edits them together in small segments as if you were channel-hoping between all six stories.

Anyway, at the end of the movie the final scene shows Tom Hanks' character from the post-apocalyptic storyline sitting round the campfire apparently telling his grand-kids the stories we have just watched.  The kids obviously enjoy his tales as they excitedly plead with him, "Tell us more, grandappy!  Tell us more!"

At first I thought to myself, ‘Ar, that’s nice,’ but then later on the thought occurred to me, ‘Hang on a second!  I’m not sure that’s a realistic response for a kid to have after just being told the stories from Cloud Atlas.’

Just to give an example, the second story involves an aspiring composer who's happy to sleep with just about everyone in order to further his career.  He then gets blackmailed by his boss and so he shoots his boss, then goes into hiding for a couple of weeks and then finally he commits suicide by putting a gun in his mouth and shooting himself through the back of the head.  Is that the sort of story which would have kids responding, ‘Wow!  What a great story!  Tell us more!’?

Sunday, 21 July 2013

How To Save The World: Part 3A - Hopes And Dreams

The 'How To Save The World' saga continues...


Charles Fudgemuffin in association with Montgomery-Smythe Publishing Associates is proud to announce the release of the fourth book in the How To Save The World trilogy…

Here's a brief plot summary:

How To Save The World: Part 3A - Hopes And Dreams


How To Save The World:
Part 3A - Hopes And Dreams
      After returning from his adventures on the planet Fem, Eric soon finds himself a job working for a respected insurance company and life finally appears to be returning to normal once again.
      Until, that is, Eric discovers that members of the motor insurance division (north east team) have been using form Stat7D to process their stationery order requests, despite the employee handbook making it abundantly clear that form Stat7D has now been discontinued and all future stationery requests should be made on form 46C.
      When Eric investigates matters further he is met with the rather flimsy claims that ‘we’d just ran out of the 46C forms so we thought it would be okay to use the old forms.’  To add to the intrigue, for whatever reason, the admin section seem keen to repeatedly turn a blind eye to this flagrant breach of the rules pertaining to stationery order requests.
      Is it simply a case of a shortage of the new forms as claimed?  Or is that just a hastily cobbled together cover story for something more sinister?  Will Eric ever get to the bottom of this suspicious administrative conundrum or will his detective powers allude him on this occasion?

      Find out the answers to this intriguing mystery inside this the first book in the third and final part of the ‘How To Save The World’ trilogy…

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Even More Signs From Around The World

Crocodiles, unnecessary epithets and Draconian punishments


Following on from my previous posts entitled ‘Signs From Around The World’ and ‘More Signs From Around The World,’ I’ve now collected together even more photos of signs from around the world.  After much thought I've decided to call this post ‘Even More Signs From Around The World.’

1) God loves everyone.  Even solicitors!

The first photo is a religiously themed photo which demonstrates that apparently God’s love knows no limits.


God loves everybody.  Even solicitors, apparently.

Sunday, 7 July 2013

Languages Around The World (Part 1 - Korean)

Strange vowels, hand necks and the 'f' rule


As a fan of the Swedish language, I've previously featured a few posts collecting some of my favourite Swedish words and expressions.  However, I've come across lots of other cool languages and cool linguistic expressions on my travels, so I thought I would take this opportunity to expand beyond the theme of Swedish and cover a few other languages in a series of occasional posts creatively entitled 'Languages Around The World'.

First up are a few quirks from the Korean language...

"I'll have a vowel please, Carol."

1) Vowels and consonants


Something I found weird when I first visited Korea was that in the Korean language, 'w' and 'y' are classed as vowels.  I'd come across 'y' being classed as a vowel when I went to Norway, but it seemed a bit weird for 'w' to be classed as a vowel.  To me with my English background, 'w' should blatantly be classed as a consonant.

However, when you analyse it it's not as daft as it seems...

Sunday, 30 June 2013

10 Nerd Jokes

Maths, Chemistry and total hadrons...


Binary code ... or is it?
Last week I rounded off my post '10 Things In Life Worth Knowing' with a daft nerd joke regarding binary code.

I have to admit that I've got a bit of a soft spot for nerd jokes, so this week I thought I would round up a few of my favourite nerd jokes and puzzles in a post creatively entitled '10 Nerd Jokes'.

Also, just to clarify, this time I'm talking in decimal rather than binary code, so this time there are actually ten rather than two.  Non-nerds are therefore advised to stop reading now.

Some of these are quite old so apologies if anyone's heard most of them before, but anyway here are a few of my favourite nerd jokes, starting off with a joke on a similar theme to last week's post...

1) There are 10 kinds of people in this world:
Those who know binary code and those who don't.

2) Two scientists walk into a bar.  The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O."  The second scientist says, "I'll have some H2O too."  Then he died.

Monday, 24 June 2013

10 Things In Life Worth Knowing

"All Knowledge Is Useful..."


Floppybobble Lane, just off Spludgington Avenue.
A few years ago, I once read a magazine article which argued the case that all knowledge is useful.  Some knowledge is more important than others obviously, for example, the knowledge of how to cure diseases is more important than the knowledge of what happened in Coronation Street last night, but this magazine article argued that all knowledge is useful to some degree.

The claims of this magazine article were on my mind one day as I was walking to my mate's house, and so as I was walking along I decided to look out for the street signs I passed and made a mental note of the street names, thus increasing my knowledge of the local area.


Sunday, 16 June 2013

Never Judge A Book By Its Cover?

'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy' gets an updated cover.


'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy'
The original concept sketch and the finished cover.
Everyone's heard of the phrase 'Never judge a book by its cover' and while I would agree with this advice when it comes to judging people, when it comes to an actual book I think the advice doesn't always hold true.  In terms of the quality of the book and how interesting and enjoyable readers will find it, then yes, you have to look beyond the cover and actually read the book to discover whether it's the book for you.

However, you can nevertheless usually still judge some things from the cover of a book.  For example, if the cover shows a dude and a dudette looking lovingly into each other's eyes over a romantic candlelit dinner then you can guess that it's probably a romance novel.  Or if the cover shows a werewolf under a Full Moon then it's a fairly safe bet that werewolves will feature in the story somewhere.  So in some cases you can generally at least judge the genre of the book by its cover.

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Weird Facebook Likes

A selection of inappropriate facebook likes...


Thumbs up for weird facebook likes.
I use facebook quite a bit but one of the things I find strange about facebook is the way that people will sometimes post a status update which is clearly bad news, and yet loads of their alleged friends will 'like' the post.  Sometimes I can't help thinking, 'Eh?  Why are you liking that?  That's obviously bad news.'

I'm talking about statuses along the lines of, 'Just got sacked from my job.' ...6 people like this.  That sort of thing.  That one was just a made-up example but there are plenty of real facebook statuses which are clearly bad news and yet people still seem to click the 'like' button for some reason.

So on that theme I thought I would round-up a few examples to highlight what I'm referring to and to start things off here's a very straight forward example which perfectly illustrates how the 'like' button often gets misused...

Sunday, 2 June 2013

Book Reviews (Part 3)

What I've recently been reading...


I haven't managed to read as many books as I'd have liked in recent months, as I've been working on proof-reading and formatting books 3A, 3B and 3C in the 'How To Save The World' trilogy, but here are a few reviews of some of the most recent books which I've read...



The Hoax by Clifford Irving

The Hoax by Clifford Irving - 4.6 / 5.0


The Hoax tells the true story of Clifford Irving, a writer who infamously faked the authorised biography of Howard Hughes, an eccentric and reclusive American billionaire.  The art of deception is a theme which features in my own book and it’s a concept which greatly appeals to me as the basis for a story, so as you’d expect I totally enjoyed The Hoax.  Admittedly, the book starts quite slowly as Clifford describes the research which he and his assistant, Richard Suskind, carried out in preparation for writing the biography, but once the story gets into its stride and unforeseen developments in their plan start to occur, The Hoax then really starts to come alive.


Sunday, 26 May 2013

"I Don't Speak Japanese."

My daft and stupid hypothetical tattoo.


I'm not really a fan of tattoos as from a fashion point of view I tend to change my opinion of what I like every six months, so something as permanent as a tattoo would be a bad idea for someone like me who changes their mind so often.

However, if I was ever going to get a tattoo then I like Japanese kanji, and I also like daft stupid stuff, so I'd probably go for something which combined the two...


"I don't know.  I don't speak Japanese."
iPhone 5 version (640x1136)


Sunday, 19 May 2013

Funny Football Quotes (Part 2)

A collection of football quotes to round off the season...


Another football season comes to a close.
If there’s one thing you can rely on from footballers and managers, it’s that they often come out with daft quotes.  Back in August, to celebrate the start of the football season I illustrated this fact by posting a selection of funny football quotes from a variety of managers, footballers and commentators.

Today sees the final day of the Premiership, so to round off the season I thought this would be an appropriate time to post another batch of amusing football quotes from various pundits, players and other football related celebrities.  A few of these had me chuckling as I was typing them up, so hopefully a few other people will likewise find them as amusing as I did.

1) "Well, Clive, it's all about the two Ms ... movement and positioning."
...Ron Atkinson

2) "No regrets.  None at all.  My only regret is that we went out on penalties.  That's my only regret but no, no regrets."
...Mick McCarthy

Sunday, 12 May 2013

And The Award For The Most Stupid Question Ever Goes To...

Pub Related Stupidity


Beer, a drink commonly found in most pubs.
In part 2A of the 'How To Save The World' saga*, the characters discuss the top three most stupid questions they've ever been asked.  I won't reveal the questions here, but you can trust me that all three of the questions were very stupid questions indeed (and each was inspired by real life).

* Available for Kindle from Amazon.

However, I can safely say that all three of those questions were well and truly beaten for stupidity by a stupid question I heard the other day when I was out at the pub watching the football.

To set the scene, me and my mates were sat at the back of the dining room in the pub, and a couple were sitting at the table next to us with their young son who must have been no older than six years old.  At one point during the match the parents disappeared, presumably to go and order food, leaving their child sat at their table on his own for a few minutes. 

Sunday, 5 May 2013

Strange Google Searches (Part 3)

Hitmen, Three Legged Dogs And Pregnant Men


Searching for a hitman.
A few months ago I published a post called Santa Claus, Camper Vans And Swedish Girls which discussed some of the weird searches made on Google every month.  I then followed this up over Christmas with a post devoted entirely to Santa related searches on Google.  As there are hundreds of weird Google searches made every month I thought it was time for another post along the same theme.

I’ll start off with a rather worrying search term.  This one is especially worrying when you consider that it gets 9,900 worldwide searches per month:

‘How do I hire a hitman?’

Even more worrying is the fact that this search term has a competition rating of 0.05* so whilst by no means the most competitive search term on Google, there nevertheless must be some businesses looking to advertise on this search term!  What sort of businesses they might be I dread to think.

* Google assign all of their search terms a competition rating to allow advertisers to assess which search terms are the most popular with other advertisers and therefore the most competitive to advertise against.

Sunday, 28 April 2013

Tomorrow's Technology Today

A New Blog From Charles Fudgemuffin...


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Tomorrow's Technology Today:
A new blog from Charles Fudgemuffin.
As well as running my Charles Fudgemuffin blog, I also run a few other blogs such as Worthy Of A Bigger Audience and Author Quiz which were featured on this blog a few months ago.

I'm happy to announce that there's now also another new addition to the Charles Fudgemuffin family of blogs, namely Tomorrow's Technology Today, and as the name suggests Tomorrow’s Technology Today focuses on exciting breakthroughs in the world of technology.

There are plenty of websites out there featuring the latest iPods, mobile phones and cameras though, so Tomorrow’s Technology Today will therefore steer clear of stories reporting on a slightly new model of TV with marginally improved picture clarity and better sound quality.  Instead Tomorrow’s Technology Today will only feature reports on truly groundbreaking inventions, innovational gadgets and revolutionary scientific developments which could potentially go on to make a big impact on the world we live in.

Sunday, 21 April 2013

Daft Office Pranks (Part 2)

More office related tomfoolery


Phone based pranks.
From time to time on the blog I feature daft pranks, and this next one is a daft office based prank which used to amuse me when when I worked on the pensions team at the council a few years ago.

Part of my job would involve phoning other councils on a regular basis to discuss certain pension queries, so another lush snaky trick which I used to play sometimes was I would ring up another council for no reason, and then just before they answered the phone I would quickly transfer the call to someone else on my team.  If I timed it right it would mean that both of them (the other council and the person on my team) would answer the call at the exact same moment.

So what would happen would be that the other pensions team would answer:

Sunday, 14 April 2013

Too School For Cool

Charles Fudgemuffin's first radio interview


DJ Steve Watson, presenter of Too School For Cool
The last few weeks have been really exciting for me as an author with my debut comedy novel 'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy' making the Top 100 for a few categories in the Amazon UK Kindle charts and achieving highest positions of:

Sci-Fi / Space Opera - 11
Humour - 50
Science Fiction - 66

At one stage I was even a couple of places above another book I can recommend which not many people might have heard of but it's a book called Bridget Jones' Diary (Anniversary Edition) by an up and coming author called Helen Fielding.

And in the Sci Fi charts I was only a couple of places below a special hardback reissued edition of The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy, so it was a total buzz to be ranked alongside such famous books.  Admittedly they probably sold slightly more books when they were first released, so
I'm not quite a rival for J.K. Rowling just yet, but it's nevertheless been a very pleasing and surprising few weeks for someone with my own modest expectations.

Sunday, 7 April 2013

7 Online Spoofs From April Fools' Day (2013 Edition)

Some of the spoof stories and pranks found on the web this April Fools' Day


Every year more and more websites and companies seem to be getting into the April Fools' Day spirit by posting spoof stories on their websites, and as I'm a big fan of pranks I thought I would round-up some of this year's April Fools' Day stories.

A step by step guide on how to boil water.

1) How To Make Boiling Water

I'll start off with a video found on the allrecipes.com website which teaches budding chefs how to make hot boiling water.  It's quite a daft video, but the voice-over catches the style of 'How To Cook' instructional videos perfectly, so even if you're a complete amateur when it comes to cooking you should be able to follow their step by step instructions and make your own 'hot boiling water'.

As one All Recipes member comments, "What a simple recipe!  I'm always looking for something quick and easy after work, and this is just perfect!"
How To Make Hot Boiling Water

2) YouTube Announce A Winner

One of the most famous April Fools' Day spoofs this year was the 'YouTube select a winner' prank whereby YouTube announced that for the last ten years YouTube has actually just been one big competition to find the best uploaded video.  After ten years they were finally bringing the competition to a close and were finally ready to announce a winner.  As the competition was now over the YouTube website would no longer be necessary and therefore they would subsequently be closing YouTube down:
YouTube ready to choose a winner

Sunday, 31 March 2013

10 Cool Internet Easter Eggs (Part 3)

Another batch of hidden internet tricks for Easter...


Humpty Dumpty, the original Easter egg.
I love weird tricks and novelties you can sometimes find hidden on the internet so from time to time I like to feature a selection of my favourite tricks (more commonly known as Easter eggs) on this blog.

As it's Easter this weekend I therefore thought it would be the perfect time to round-up another batch of cool internet Easter eggs in a post which I've creatively titled '10 Cool Internet Easter Eggs (Part 3)'.

1) The Harlem Shake on YouTube

First up is a really cool hidden internet Easter egg found on YouTube which gets into the spirit of the latest craze for uploading Harlem Shake videos to YouTube.  Go to YouTube and type 'do the Harlem Shake' into the search box, and as well as listing a selection of Harlem Shake videos, you'll find that YouTube also does a Harlem Shake of its own...
Search results for 'do the Harlem shake' on YouTube

Sunday, 24 March 2013

How I Got Thousands Of Followers On Twitter … Absolutely Free! by Lady Gaga

One woman’s account of how she increased her twitter audience: A guest post by Lady Gaga.


Lady Gaga reveals her strategy for gaining
thousands of followers on twitter.
Our thanks go to Lady Gaga for writing this guest post…

“Thanks first of all Charles for giving me, Lady Gaga, this opportunity to write a guest post for your blog.

A few years ago in the early days of twitter, I used to look on enviously at some of the top twitter users like Stephen Fry and the massive twitter following they commanded and wonder to myself, ‘Will I ever be as popular as Stephen on twitter?’  One thing was sure, that popularity wasn’t going to come about if I just sat around twiddling my thumbs doing nothing about it, and so after considering several options I devised a clever plan in order to gain myself thousands of followers on twitter.

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Free Kindle Book!

How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy ... free on selected dates!


How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy
by Charles Fudgemuffin.
Charles Fudgemuffin is happy to announce that from Wednesday 20th March to Sunday 24th March, his debut comedy novel 'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy' will be totally free from amazon for Kindle and the Kindle app.

My advice therefore for anyone currently considering downloading the book would be to buy it quickly in the next few days, otherwise if you wait until next Wednesday you'll get it for free which means I won't get any royalties.


(Editor's Note: The original free promotional period has now ended.  Big thanks to everyone who downloaded the book and to put everyone's mind at ease, you can rest assured that if you buy the book now Charles Fudgemuffin will once again receive royalties.)
 

Here are the links where you can find the book on Amazon:
US: How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy
UK:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

For the benefit of anyone who hasn't read 'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy' yet (I presume there are still one or two people out there who this applies to!), this is the blurb:


Wednesday, 6 March 2013

'Be Careful What You Wish For' - The Blurb

How to write a blurb for a sequel without spoiling the plot...


The second book in the How To Save The World saga,
Part 2A - Be Careful What You Wish For.
A few weeks ago I proudly announced the release of the second and third books in the How To Save The World series…

How To Save The World: Part 2A – Be Careful What You Wish For

And...

How To Save The World: Part 2B – By Whatever Means Necessary

This week I wanted to feature a brief description of the plot for ‘Be Careful What You Wish For’ but it’s tricky to write a blurb for a book when it’s the second book in a series and you therefore can’t go into too much detail without spoiling the plot for anyone who hasn’t read the first book yet.

I had a few attempts at trying to write the blurb for part 2A without revealing the plot in any great detail, but in the end it was like trying to describe chocolate to someone who’s never tasted chocolate before.  I therefore eventually decided that the best way to do a blurb for part 2A would be to simply just write it and then censor out any offending plot spoilers.

So here it is…

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

10 More Cool Swedish Words And Expressions

The creatively titled follow-up to '10 Cool Swedish Words And Expressions'.


A few of my favourite Swedish words and expressions.
I love the Swedish language and as it’s been a while since my original 10 Cool Swedish Words And Expressions post, I figured it was about time I posted a few more of my favourite Swedish words and expressions.  Just to recap, many of the alien names and places in my comedy novel ‘How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy’ were inspired by Swedish words, so that was the inspiration behind the original post.

Anyway, here are another 10 cool Swedish words and expressions which I like…

1) You look good out

If you’re Swedish and you’re good looking (which admittedly is a very strong possibility judging by all the Swedish girls I’ve ever met) then luckily in Sweden they have several words and expressions to describe you.  If I had to guess then I would say that the abundance of words for ‘good looking’ in Swedish is similar to the way that Eskimoes have numerous words for snow.

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

The Wisdom Of Kids

Some amusing quotes from kids and a few which highlight that sometimes kids can be wiser than you realise.


The dream of every child...  Can you guess what it is?
On my Charles Fudgemuffin facebook page I occasionally post funny comments that kids have said, so as an idea for a post I thought I would round up a collection of funny and interesting comments from kids.

1) "The dream of every kid..."


I’ll start off with a description of a funny clip from You’ve Been Framed I saw a few weeks ago.  A couple were taking their daughter on a surprise trip to a secret location and the mother said to their young daughter (probably aged about four or five), “Rather than tell you where we’re going, we’re going to show you the letters so that you can spell it out.”

The mother then started showing her daughter the letters and the young girl started spelling them out…

“D – I – S – N – E – Y”

Suddenly a wide-eyed look of uncontrollable excitement appeared on the daughter’s face.

“Do you know where we’re going now?” the mother asked.

To which the daughter punched the air with delight and replied, “Alaska!”

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

True Or False: Six Romance Themed 'Facts' For Valentine's Day

Say it with flowers, spoons, and self mutilation...


As it's almost Valentine's Day, this is therefore the time of year when love is in the air and men and women traditionally show their romantic side with loving gifts and kind gestures for their partners and lovers.  So to get in on the romantic theme and to celebrate Valentine's Day I thought I would do another of the True Or False quizzes which I post from time to time on my blog.

For anyone new to these True Or False quizzes, not all of the following romance themed 'facts' are true.  Some are indeed true, but other 'facts' are nothing but devious bluffery.  See if you can guess which is which...

Lord Richard Wallesgrave went to extreme measures to
demonstrate his love for Emily Burnett.  Please note, the
sharp looking fellow in the picture isn't Lord Wallesgrave.
He's just an actor used as a modern day representation.

Fact 1) Extreme measures for love.


In 1745 Lord Richard Wallesgrave of Yorkshire went to the extreme measure of cutting off his own arm* to demonstrate the depths of his love for the subject of his affections, Emily Burnett, who had previously rebuffed his advances on more than ten prior occasions.  Incredibly, this extreme gesture of self-mutilation had the desired effect and Emily finally agreed to marry him.  Their married life was short-lived however as Lord Wallesgrave developed gangrene, presumably as a result of the amputation, and died within a month.

* Just for the record, a poem written by Lord Wallesgrave suggests it was his left arm which he cut off, so presumably he was right handed.

True or false?

Thursday, 7 February 2013

How To Save The World: Part 2B - By Whatever Means Necessary

You wait nine months for a book and then two come at once…


By Whatever Means Necessary.
Part 2B in the 'How To Save The World' saga.
Charles Fudgemuffin in association with Montgomery-Smythe Publishing Associates is proud to announce the release of the third book (of six) in the How To Save The World series...

How To Save The World: Part 2B – By Whatever Means Necessary


'How To Save The World: By Whatever Means Necessary' is now available for Kindle and the Kindle app from amazon.com and amazon.co.uk:
US: How To Save The World: Part 2B - By Whatever Means Necessary
UK: How To Save The World: Part 2B - By Whatever Means Necessary

The release of ‘How To Save The World: By Whatever Means Necessary’ means that the first three books in the How To Save The World series are now available.  (Update:  All six books in the series are now available.)  The series was originally planned as a trilogy, but due to the large quantities of action, comedy and plot twists crammed into the saga (not to mention numerous pages of childish juvenile banter), some parts of the story therefore stretch over more than one book.

Thursday, 31 January 2013

"People Are Literally Tearing Their Hair Out!"

Misuse of the word 'literally' can conjure up some strange mental images...


The 'How To Save The World' books.
"You'll literally laugh your head off!"
I read in the paper recently that one of the things that annoys a lot of people about modern language is the misuse of the word ‘literally’.  Apparently some people are literally tearing their hair out at the regularity with which this word gets used incorrectly.

However, I remember watching Stephen Fry argue once that language is a living thing and that language is constantly evolving.  So if people are constantly using a word to mean something other than what it was originally intended, you could therefore argue that after a certain length of time this word then acquires a new meaning.  For example the word ‘fabulous’ originally meant ‘pertaining to fables,’ i.e. a centaur or a griffon, for example.  But nowadays ‘fabulous’ is just a word which posh people use to mean ‘brilliant’.

I remember arguing with a mate once about language and when I quoted the wisdom of Stephen Fry on language in support of my viewpoint my mate then suddenly conceded the argument stating, ‘You can’t argue with Stephen Fry when it comes to language.’  I would have to agree, so maybe you could argue that the word ‘literally’ has now developed a new meaning, i.e. ‘literally’ now means ‘not literally at all’.

Anyway, whether the word ‘literally’ has obtained a new meaning or not, when taken literally it can produce some interesting mental images, so I thought it would be a cool idea to compile a list of quotes which quite literally use the word ‘literally’ in a totally non-literal sense.

Thursday, 24 January 2013

How To Save The World: Part 2A - Be Careful What You Wish For

The 'How To Save The World' saga continues...


Be Careful What You Wish For.
Part 2A in the How To Save The World trilogy.
Charles Fudgemuffin in association with Montgomery-Smythe Publishing Associates is proud to announce the release of the second book in the How To Save The World trilogy…

How To Save The World: Part 2A – Be Careful What You Wish For

When interviewed Charles had this to say, “I’m excited and delighted to announce the release of ‘How To Save The World – Part 2A: Be Careful What You Wish For’ which is the second book in the How To Save The World trilogy.  Book 2A follows on from the dramatic conclusion to book one with Eric continuing his adventures on the planet Fem and having to deal with (censored to avoid revealing plot spoilers).  Hopefully readers and book critics alike will have just as much fun reading it as I did writing it.”

However, it would appear that not all book critics share Charles Fudgemufin’s sense of fun, as Sebastian Fiennes-Cooper (chairman of the Basingstoke Literary Appraisal Society) was less than flowing with his praise when he had this to say, “The ‘How To Save The World’ trilogy will no doubt appeal to some tastes, but I have to say that I find it rather juvenile and get bored rather quickly with this crude style of humour.”

Charles Fudgemuffin in turn had this to say, “Sebastian Fiennes-Cooper bums goats.”

Thursday, 17 January 2013

Flyers: An Overlooked Promotional Opportunity For Authors

The Internet Is Great, But Don’t Overlook Real Life Opportunities…


One of my first promotional flyers.
Since my book 'How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy' was published early in 2012 it hasn’t yet quite set the kindle charts alight but I have had a few periods where sales increased for a week or so.

One of the occasions when my sales improved the most was over one particular Full Moon period when I was staying in Koh Pha Ngan and on the night of the Full Moon Party* itself I distributed a few promotional flyers.

* For anyone unfamiliar with the Full Moon Party, you can find out more about it at the following link:

As you can probably tell by the basic style of my original flyers (shown in this post), at the time I was an absolute beginner at creating flyers and my first attempts aren't going to win any awards for graphic design, but they got the job done and helped increase my sales for a week or so.

Also, at the Full Moon Party in question I perhaps didn’t spend quite as much time distributing flyers as I originally intended (the fun party spirit of the Full Moon Party can be very distracting when you’re trying to work!), so if I'd been more focussed on work rather than fun then maybe I would have seen even better sales results.  Anyway, despite the distraction of the party, book sales nevertheless increased during the week that followed that Full Moon.


About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.