Saturday, 28 January 2017

Weird Google Searches (Part 4)

A few weeks ago in my 'Things that happen every second' article, I mentioned the weird Google search term...

'Dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel'

...which incredibly, gets 20 searches every month!

There are many more weird Google searches made every month, so here are a few more, starting with one search which makes me agree with Einstein that stupidity has no bounds...

1) "My PC is on fire"

...30 searches per month

Surprisingly, I didn't have a photo of a computer on fire,
so here are two separate photos of a computer and fire.
I can only say .... er, what!?  Presumably the people googling 'My PC is on fire' subsequently searched for...

'How do I treat burnt fingers?'

Being serious, if my laptop was on fire my first thought wouldn't be, 'Hmm, how I can put out the fire?  I know!  I'll google it!  Using my laptop that's on fire!'

If it was then presumably my next thought would be, 'Ow!  Ow!  Ouch!  That's hot!'




2) 'How do I google something?'

...1,900 searches per month

Er ... what!?  You're using Google to search for 'How do I google something?'  That's like asking someone, "How do I ask a question?"

If you're using Google to search for 'How do I google something?' then surely you already know!




"What do I do if a ginger orange kid cake bites me?"

3) "What do I do if a ginger kid bites me?"

...170 searches per month

Two things that come to mind for this search are...

i) Firstly, why would someone's hair colour have any bearing on a bite?

ii) And secondly, there must be a lot of ginger kids going around biting people if 170 people are searching for this every month!




4) "Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?"

...1,600 searches per month

What a shot! Three treble twoties!
Because that wouldn't make any sense, you fools!  21 isn't pronounced 'twoty one'!  31 isn't pronounced 'threety one'!  So why would 11 be pronounced 'onety one'?  Perhaps the actual question should be...

"Why isn't 11 pronounced ten one?"

However, people obviously haven't thought about this logically, because, 'Why isn't 11 pronounced ten one?' gets no Google searches each month.

After doing some research, it appears no-one knows for sure why eleven and twelve have their own unique names, rather than following any sort of pattern, but the best guess I've seen is that perhaps it's related to the twelve hours of the clock.  Perhaps each hour was given its own unique name, and then after that numbers were named by following a generic pattern.




5) "Lack toast and tolerant"

...1,900 searches per month

An English breakfast.
Without being judgemental, it's missing something...
Presumably the people making this search were slightly confused and actually meant to search for...

'Lactose intolerant'

...which gets 201,000 searches every month.

Or perhaps I'm doing them a disservice and they were actually interested in non-judgemental people who were without grilled bread.  I guess we'll never know.

. . . . . . . .

Finally, presumably I'm not the only person interested in unusual Google searches, because the search term...

'Weird Google searches'

...gets 1,300 searches per month.


You can find more weird google searches in my earlier blog posts:
Santa Claus, Camper Vans And Swedish Girls
Searching For Santa On Google
Strange Google Searches (Part 3)
Funny Google Predictions Quiz

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.